


The Shortest Sterek 5x1 Because Stu Wants a Derek of His Very Own… Shit!

by FiccinDylan



Series: Sick of Your Shit Verse [13]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Alternate Universe - Crack, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Fluff and Crack, Friends to Lovers, Hate to Love, M/M, Mates, Miscommunication, Misunderstandings, Stilinski Twins, Threesome, Twincest, sick of your shit verse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-29
Updated: 2016-01-29
Packaged: 2018-05-17 00:56:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5847619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FiccinDylan/pseuds/FiccinDylan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stiles loves Derek<br/>Derek loves Stiles<br/>Stiles loves Stu<br/>Stu loves Stiles<br/>Derek and Stu both love Stiles<br/>Derek and Stu love… each other?</p><p>Uggh, unfortunately.  It’s not that Stu doesn’t like Derek, it’s that he refuses -despite living with them (and you know… all the sex)- to be the third wheel in their relationship!  Too bad his and Stiles’ fucking twinsense is making Stu have ~feelings for the wolf.  Welp, guess it’s time to visit some other universes to find his own Derek!</p><p>aka</p><p>The five times Derek was wrong for Stu and the one time he was right all along.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Tastes like Orange

**Author's Note:**

> Enjoy!

“I need you to send me to an alternate dimension!”

Alan Deaton looks up from his patient - a stray yorkie mix with big brown eyes that could only be rivaled by his apprentice Scott McCall. The dog seemed relieved for a distraction from the procedure Deaton was about to perform and pointed its nose so the vet would focus on the intruder and not the dog’s junk.

“Perceptive little thing, aren’t you?” The dog whined as Deaton set down the syringe full of anesthetic and finally acknowledged the young man, panting in his doorway.

“Hello Mr. Stilinski.”

“No time for pleasantries, Alan! Stop trying to take all the fun out of that stray and send me to an alternate dimension!” The boy pouts and stamps his foot. He’d been running, but what Deaton knew better than anyone was that the only true threat to Stuart Stilinski was ~feelings.

He’d been noticing lately that Stu has slowly been allowing space for emotion in his life. His twin brother, Stiles, finally started dating Derek Hale and the three of them lived together in Derek’s loft downtown. It wasn’t the most conventional arrangement, but Deaton knew that it worked for all three of them.

It did, at least, until ~feelings became involved. No, this wasn’t the first time Stuart showed up at Deaton’s door, demanding some sort of magic to reverse his insistent _caring_. Everyone knew Stu and Stiles were a package deal; they needed to be in close proximity with one another to even function and shared a bond that still boggles scientists to this day. They can carry each other’s emotions and sense when the other is hurt or in danger. They even had a bond when it came to romance, but made sure not to cause drama between them over boys and girls. According to Stu, even though their twinsense was “ _on fleek_ ”, Stu knew that Derek wasn’t his type and he’d find some “daddy motherfucker” to tide him over when Derek and Stiles got freaky.

They’d been living together for almost a year when something changed.

“He got me a fucking anniversary gift, Alan!” Stu yelled out one day as Alan was placing a cast on a long legged greyhound. “And it was perfect. You remember when Aunt Clare took me and Stiles to Egypt that summer and we got the picture with both of us on the hump?”

Alan didn’t remember, but he was also sure that this was Stu’s backwards way of telling him the story.

“Well we thought it was lost in the fire, but this motherfucker found it and had it restored and framed and he gave Stiles a crystal camel figurine and me the picture to put in my room. I nearly fucking cried, I mean, what the _fuck_!?”

“He’s clearly an asshole and deserving of the… what was it? The uglifying spell you’ve asked me for before?”

Stuart sighed and the greyhound turned to Deaton, clearly amused at the shenanigans of the exasperated human in the room. Deaton found himself sympathizing as Stu began to pace.

“Not an uglifying spell, _per se_ , but more like- I mean, come on! You know that pretty bitch has a rotting portrait in an attic somewhere!” the beleaguered boy offers for explanation. Deaton (and the greyhound) simply stared at him until he continued.

“ _So_ , show me where that portrait is so I can destroy it! Maybe if he looks like fart breath, it’ll be easier to not want to provide for him and hold and pet him while I tell him about my day!” Even the greyhound raises an eye at Stu who’d gone glossy eyed as he stared into a corner. Alan sighed.

“Stuart, have you tried talking to him?” He asked, already knowing the answer. Stu shrugged and took off his glasses which had started to steam up. He cleaned them thoughtfully as he answered.

“Talking to him is like talking to a brick wall. A beautifully sculpted, Grecian brick wall. Besides, I know it’s just because of the bond, but I don’t do romance and I don’t do relationships and after that picture stunt, just being in his presence makes me want to… you know, _do_ those things.”

“What did you say when he gave it to you?” Deaton asked, trying to think of a way to lead Stu to the obvious conclusion.

“What?”

“The picture, what did you say after you opened it?”

Stu just shrugged again and stuffed his hands into his pockets. “I mean, I said _thank you_ , I am a decent human being, Alan.”

Deaton narrowed his eyes suspiciously turning back to the greyhound who confirms there was indeed some missing information.

“When you said _thank you_ , was it with your mouth on his cock?”

His suspicions were confirmed by the red that spread through Stu’s exterior. Stu rolled his eyes.

“Well, _yeah_ , of course, Alan! I _am_ a decent human being!”

“Stuart, did you tell him the gift was too much? That it wasn’t your anniversary, but instead his and Stiles?”

“Yeah, about that. So like, I guess I kind of got caught up in the thing, and after the thank you blowjob-” Stu then made a motion to indicate something more, “-it just didn’t feel right.”

“Didn’t feel right to tell him you wanted to be casual after you fucked him?”

“Alan, language, _please_!”

“I apologize for offending your sensibilities, Stuart. After you _made love_.” Deaton offered as Stuart bristled even harder at the implication.

“Well, okay, but that’s… that’s not what-”

Deaton put a hand up, pointing at the door.

“Stuart, go home and talk to Stiles and Derek. I’m sure the answer is simple so long as you can keep your dick in your pants.”

Stuart sighs, “Fine! I’ll go home and deal with it like I don’t have a shaman at my disposal.”

“You most certainly don’t.”

“Sure, Jan!” Stuart yelled before turning on his heels and taking his leave. He’d be back dozens more times in the next six months demanding magical services to deal with the myriad of sizes his heart was growing due to affection for and from Derek Hale.

Normally there would be complaints of extra touches and languid make out sessions on the couch while Stiles worked on his masters nearby.

One time there was even an impromptu picnic in the park that segued into Stu and Derek going to a concert by Stu’s favorite band.

“It's like he fucking planned it!” Stu had spat out on that particular occasion.

“It sounds like he did, Stu. It sounds a lot like a date.”

“Jesus, Alan!” Stu sat up quickly from where he was lying on Deaton’s couch. “That's fucking crazy talk! Why would it be a date?”

Deaton shrugged from across the room where he was putting the final touches on his famous dip. He hummed to himself lightly; it was fun for him to create magic in the kitchen.

“Well, Stuart, it's typical for members in a relationship to want to spend time together- and before you start to rant about _that_ -” Deaton pointed his spoon at Stuart, stopping the rant that clearly traveled from boy’s soul to the tip of his tongue. Stuart swallowed and waited, “-tell me this: did he get a goodnight kiss at the end of the night?”

Stu opens his mouth presumably to lie, before eyeing Deaton’s dip and oddly deciding otherwise.

“I was gonna say no, but it was only because our mouths were otherwise occupied, I could rim that feral bastard for hours. I know because I did that night.” Stu offered as explanation as he reached for a pita chip and dug into the dip. “I couldn't lie in front of the dip, Alan, this shit is like truth serum; so good and pure.”

This was how most of their impromptu therapy sessions unfolded. Stu would come by to rant about how sweet and perfect Derek was,

_He actually wore the male panties I got him! I swear it was a joke! He was hotter than the fucking sun and then he and Stiles performed some sort of dance number?_

And Deaton would ask him leading questions to get him to realize he was head over heels for the wolf,

_What did you do?_

_I prayed that they were edible, otherwise I'm going to be shitting pink frilly lace for a week with how fast I sunk my teeth into that wereass._

_What else did you give him?_

_A leather jacket that he'd been eyeing for a while? What? It didn't mean anything! Well, until he showed up wearing nothing but that and the panties…_

_Dammit, Alan, what the fuck is wrong with me?!_

Deaton kept to himself that it sounded like love, but he knew Stuart had already considered and dismissed (and considered again) the implication.

Today seemed to be different, as though Stu had reached his breaking point.

“I need you to send me to an alternate dimension!” the boy yells again, waiting for Deaton to react appropriately. Deaton sighs the heavy sigh of those endeared to the Stilinskis and puts the Yorkie back in its kennel. 

“Stuart… _whet_?” Deaton asks plainly, foregoing his usual deference and trying to get Stuart to get to the fucking point.

“The way I see it is this,” Stuart starts, “I’m in…. I’m _falling_ , I’m… _whatever_ with Derek, right? But that can’t happen, you know? Because of twinsense. I can’t fall into.. _whatever_ with Derek, so I figure that I go into some alternate reality where there are no Stileses, but there are Dereks! Then I find one that’s perfect for me, convince him to come back and that’s that! Problem solved!”

“I’m better equipped to give worm shots.” Deaton offers, fecund with sarcasm. Stuart flails violently before crowding Deaton against the door poking him in the nose.

“Look here, you druid piece of shit!” Deaton raises an eyebrow, but it’s completely ignored by the steaming young man in front of him, “You might scare everyone else with your aloofness and craftiness, but you don’t fool me. I see through you, old man! Now cut the shit!” Stuart holds his ground until Deaton lowers his eyebrow and exhales, placing a sedate hand on Stu’s chest and pushing him back gently.

“While your display of aggression is adorable-”

“I’ll kick your ass, Deaton!” Stu yells, obviously trying to muster up the courage to not bare his neck in submission, which doesn’t even make sense for the current situation. Deaton smirks.

“Sure, Jan.”

“Alan, c’mon!” Stuart scrunches his nose while Deaton reaches out and massages his shoulder.

“Tell me again why you want to travel to different universes? Have a seat there.” Deaton points Stu to one of the chairs and heads to his counter, flipping on the electric kettle for tea. He digs in one of his drawers before coming up with an envelope full of herbs and capsules.

“I’m… fuck it, I’m… _in love_ with Derek, but I’m nobody’s third wheel!” Stu is quick to explain as he takes the steaming mug from Deaton and sips, humming pleasantly at the warmth. “They love each other and don’t have room for me!”

“They told you this?” Deaton asks as he sits across from Stu, offering a plate of homemade madeleines. Stu takes one and nibbles thoughtfully.

“Well, no… exactly opposite in fact, but like, it can’t be real, right? It’s just the twinsense!” Before Deaton can answer, Stu continues. “So anyhow, the way I figure there’s got to be some spare Dereks out there, right? Ha, some _Spareks_!” Stu lifts his hand for a high five and beams when Deaton doesn’t leave him hanging.

“So I’m sure I can convince one to fall in love with me back and then we all live happily ever after.”

Deaton blinks and watches Stu as he focuses his attention on dunking the madeleine into the tea. Stu finally grows uncomfortable in the silence and looks back at the stoic presence in front of him.

“Don’t blink at me, Alan, just fucking make it happen!”

The vet (for all intents and purposes) sighs and rubs his hand over his face. The McCall-Hale pack always did push his limits, but this was absurd.

“Stuart, even if I had the knowledge and capabilities to-”

“Blah, blah, blah- _with great power comes great responsibility_ \- got it!” Stuart protests as he forms one of his hands into a duckbill and start quacking it in Deaton’s face. “Alan, I know and I give less of a fuck than even you do about the short-bus butterfly effect ramifications. Fuck social morality, my heart is starting to ache with fucking _love_ and I can’t handle it so magick me up a solution!” Stuart throws his hands out before crossing them resolutely over his chest. Deaton shakes his head and sighs.

“Fine, Stuart.” Stuart breaks out into a grin as Deaton motions to the door, “Go back to the storage room and I’ll be right there.”

Twenty minutes later, Stuart is strapped into a chair, hooked up to a harmless IV. Deaton gives him 4 round pellets that look like candy. Stuart swallows them and hums; they taste like orange.

“Stuart, you’re going to experience-”

“Side effects, got it!” Stuart says, waving at Deaton as best he can with his arm strapped down. “If I don’t die, I’ll be truly amazed, wish me luck! Other dimensions here I come!”

“Safe travels, Mr. Stilinski.”

“Bye, Felicia!”

Alan watches as Stu’s eyes roll to the back of his head. He sees the boy start to convulse, but shows that everything is fine on the monitors that Stu is hooked up to. He sits down and pulls out a magazine as Stu goes under.


	2. Across the Universe(s)

*****

Stu wakes up in a cabin. He’s naked, but it’s not uncomfortable. The fire in the hearth is crackling and he has a gorgeous view of snow capped mountains from the large bed he’s in. He’s about to get up when the front door bursts open and a broad, hirsute man walks in with a deer carcass draped across his shoulders. Stu’s mouth immediately begins to water.

“Daddy’s home.”

“Who are you?” The man says gruffly. He’s definitely a Derek and he’s also naked, hopefully indicating his transformation from a wolf before he came up to the mountain. He’s got a wild graying, but still stark black beard and the tone and definition of a man who spends most of his day outdoors. His voice is hoarse from being underused and he doesn’t just walk… he _prowls_. Stuart silently thanks whatever god’s head Deaton sprung from and stands up confidently as he saunters towards the man.

“I’m Stuart, I think I’m your new mate.”

The man looks Stu up and down and tosses the deer onto the table. He then walks up to Stuart and hoists the boy up on his shoulder like he himself was dead deer carcass. Stuart can’t fully understand why this turns him on, but it _does_. He’s then thrown on the bed and Derek settles on top of him.

A few minutes later they’re writhing in sweat with precum dirtying up the sheets and blankets. Derek sucks on Stu’s tongue filthily while Stuart moans into Derek’s mouth.

“Fuck, yeah! You are a wolf, right? Do we need to use condoms?” He asks as Derek makes his way down Stu’s body, leaving bruising marks into his pale skin. Derek shakes his head, causing there to be beard burn right along Stu’s happy trail.

“I’m a wolf, can’t catch or transmit.”

Stuart hoists Derek back over him and kisses him deeply as he reaches for the lube. He squeezes a bit on his finger as he sucks on Derek’s surprisingly meaty nipple and reaches down to circle Derek’s rim with his forefinger.

Derek clenches up immediately.

“Whoa, what?” Derek says, rising to his knees and looking at Stu incredulously.

“What? I’m just going to open you up.” Stu says innocently. Derek scoots back two paces and looks at Stu again.

“I’m… I’m not.. that’s exit only.” Stu laughs, but stops suddenly when he realizes Derek isn’t joking.

“Oh you’ve got to be fucking kidding me, are you for real?”

“Are _you_ for real?” Derek accuses pointing at Stu’s erection, which is clearly trying to figure out whether it should keep waving or wane to wave another day. Derek points to his human dental floss covered exterior. “Why the fuck would you think I bottom? Look at me!”

Stu gives Derek the once over and shrugs.

“I like the daddy vibe, but I’m a top, dude, and the guy I’m trying to replace is pretty masc and bottoms with me pretty much exclusively so-”

“The fuck are you even talking about?” Derek yells as he gets out of his bed and points to the door. Stuart doesn’t need anymore hints. He simply gets up and walks out the front door which is slammed so quickly behind him, it literally hits him in the ass.

“Dammit, Alan! Can we try again and this time give me a Derek who’s not an _unversatile douche_!” Stuart yells that last part back towards the door before embarking over the hill. He sees the sky swirling and nods, running to the edge of the mountain the cabin is situated on. He looks down and sees another swirl.

“Okay, sure, if that’s how this works.” He says before launching himself off the cliff into the swirl. Thankfully his estimation is correct and he ends up fully clothed standing outside of the ruins of the Hale house.

 

******

“Whoa,” Stu says outloud, “Only Stiles actually saw the wreckage, that Kate bitch was a _bitch_.”

“You know Kate?” A voice says. Stu spins and sees Derek -this time younger and in a leather jacket- standing behind him, scowling. “Who are you? No friends of Kate are welcome here, this is private-”

“Private property, I know.” Stu says with a dismissive wave of his hand. “I’m Stu, and I think.. I think we’re supposed to meet.”

Derek’s eyes grew wide before slightly clouding over. He took a furtive step forward and then abandoned it, instead opting to examine his shoelaces.

“Marin told me that a young man would be coming to help me… with all of this.” Derek explains, indicating the wreckage and what appeared to be freshly dug out burial plots. Stu’s eyebrows raised up to his hairline..

“Uhh… well, okay, I guess I didn’t specify for my Derek not to be a work in progress…”

“Stuart, it’s all my fault! Kate convinced me that she loved me and now my family is _dead_! What am I supposed to do!?” Derek looks at him, his hazel eyes sparkling in the muted, early evening sun. Stu’s own eyes widen as he shrugs and takes a step back.

“Fuck if I know! That’s Stiles’ thing, I’m so not equipped to deal with Derek’s dark past and bullshit drama.”

“Bullshit?!” Derek spits out, looking at Stuart wildly. Stuart puts up both hands.

“No, not bullshit, or, I mean, I’m bullshit! Me! I.. this.. look, how long before you think you get your sex drive back?”

“What? What the fuck? Who are you? I can’t even think about sex, it might be years and you ask-”

“Just… look, ignore that, I’m an asshole, just… in like a couple of weeks you’ll get back on the saddle and I just need to know how verse you are?”

“I think you should leave.” Derek says, coyly wiping away his tears and schooling his expression to one of unbridled rage. Stuart nods.

“Okay, look. Marin probably wasn’t wrong, I just don’t think it’s me that was supposed to show up, in fact I think-” Before Stu can finish a bright light appears and Stu finds himself looking at the back of himself. Well, actually his twin brother. Stu points excitedly.

“There he is! Go get em, sparky!” Derek jogs off, but not before growling at Stu and pushing him to the ground. As Stu cleans off his glasses he sees this universe’s Stiles, holding and petting Derek in his arms as Derek wails about the travails of his life. Stu shakes his head and stands up, stalking away from the property. He sees another swirly porthole and walks towards it sullenly.

“Good going, Alan. I know what you’re trying to do, but I’m not giving up! I know there’s a Derek out there for me!” Stuart walks through the portal and finds himself in a hospital waiting room. There sits Derek, wearing a newsboy cap and a natty sweater. Stu smiles and heads towards him.

 

*******

“Derek?” Stu says, offering his hand. The young man looks up and reaches out for Stu’s hand. His shake is tentative and light, nearly as sweet as the young man’s demeanor. He grins shyly, blushing slightly.

“Umm… hi, do we.. do we know each other?” He asks timidly. His voice is light, higher than what Stu is used to, but Stu loves it.

“Not yet, sweetie, but I think I could change your life.”

Derek’s eyebrows knit together, but not in annoyance so Stuart runs with it.

“I’m Stu- Stuart Stilinski, and I think I could be the love of your life.”

Derek giggles and looks down at his lap.

“Aww, well that would be nice, what little of it there is left.” Derek says as he picks at a loose thread on his sweater. Stuart blinks.

“I’m sorry, what now?” Stu asks, trying to comprehend what Derek just said.

“I’m here for hospice. My cancer is progressing so I’m going to check in and you know… never check out.” Derek explains as he removes his cap and reveals a bald head with a few sores on it. Stu’s mouth drops as he takes in how thin Derek already is and how gaunt his cheeks are hidden by the sparse scraggle of his beard. His eyes are the same pale green as Stu’s Derek, but they're missing a light, despite being so warm. Deaton is such an evil bastard!

“Uhh… yeah. I gotta… I left something in the car.” Stuart says before turning on his heel and hauling ass out of the building. Deaton was an evil bastard and dammit so was Stu. In the parking lot he seems to have a crisis of conscious.

“Nope, nope, nope! There’s no way!” Stu tries to convince himself, but can’t stop thinking of the vacantness in Derek’s eyes and the fondness of his handshake. He sighs inwardly to himself. “Well, maybe I can bring him back and the cancer will go away? Or I can make Derek give him the bite?” He justifies as he heads back into the waiting room. Derek looks up, completely shocked that Stuart has come back.

“So how long do you have?”

“Few months.” Derek answers, seemingly expecting no explanation from Stu, which Stu finds all the more endearing. He grins.

“Few months? Whoa dude, clingy much?” Derek huffs out a laugh as Stu winks, “C’mon dude, we just met! A couple of weeks, _sure_ , but months?”

Derek reaches up and touches Stu’s hand. Stu bristles unintentionally, but then turns his hand to envelope it a around Derek’s.

“I don’t know if I can do this, but I like you so fuck it, let’s figure something out.” Stu offers as Derek nods, completely uncaring. “Let’s go to a sushi place and eat the kind that kills you 75% of the time. Or we can go skydiving and I’ll suck your dick in the middle of the air, how does that sound?”

“Stu, you seem very sweet, but-” Stu braces himself for the rejection, he should have known better than to try. “-I’m not trying to _live_ , you know? I’m going and that’s fine, I’m ready. If you take me skydiving, I won’t open the chute.” Derek says softly, without any malice or fear. Stu realizes that this Derek isn't lonely, he's resigned. He doesn't need Stu, doesn't care if he goes out leaves, doesn't need his comfort. Stu knew he wasn't the best beacon of hope, but he liked to think he brought something to the table emotions wise. He thinks briefly about the times he’s held his Derek after a long day at work and how peaceful and rested Derek would look after. Terminal Derek and Stu share a look and Stu nods, knowing it could never work.

“I really did leave something in my car.” He says, this time with message and purpose. Derek leans forward and gently presses his lips to Stu’s. He sits back in his chair.

“I’ll be here, waiting.” Stu nods and then walks out of the building into the parking lot. He keeps walking, across the highway, down the corridor, over the boardwalk, through the beach and directly into the sea. There’s a swirl in the middle that he swims into and allows to swallow him whole.

When he wakes up, he’s in a park and a dog is about to pee on his face. Typical Deaton.

 

********

“Bark! Get away from him, boy!” a voice calls out from off to Stu’s left. Stu turns his head and sees a Derek jogging towards him. He’s wearing a sleeveless sport T and basketball shorts and holding a leash. He slows to a walk and fucking saunters over to Stu, chewing gum and adjusting the brim on his baseball cap. He’s got on mirror aviators like a douche.

Stu likes him instantly.

“Did you just call your dog, _Bark_?” Stu asks as he stands up and brushes himself off. The dog in question is a Kai Ken which is a breed so rare in his universe, Stu hopes this Derek is an anime lover. Derek shrugs and rubs the back of his head.

“Dogs bark. The fuck else I’m going to call him?”

“ _Pisses on Stranger Faces_?”

“He’s Japanese, not Native American.”

“I need to be inside you within the next half hour.”

“Whoa. What?”

“Wait, why don’t you just name him Akatora or some shit?” Stu asks, still from his spot on the ground. Derek answers, looming over him.

“The coloring is off, the closest one in _Ginga Nagareboshi Gin_ is Akakabuto and that dude’s a dick. Besides, Bark grows on you after a while.”

“So, what are the rules in this ‘verse about public nudity?”

“Dude, do you have a twin cousin? Stiles for sure would have mentioned a twin, but I don’t remember hearing anything about you.”

Stuart blanches slightly before inwardly cursing the doctor who finally landed him in a pretty cool dimension.

“Fuck, you’re with Stiles? What the fuck, Alan, how could you mess this-?”

“Look, I don’t know who your imaginary _‘Alan’_ friend is, but I’m not with Stiles; Derek is.”

Stu looks at the guy and scrunches his nose.

“What? Who are you?”

“I’m Derrick.”

“I don’t fucking know…”

“ _R-R-I-C-K_. My parents were stoners.”

“Can werewolves get stoned?”

“The only reason I’m still talking to you is because you’re cute as shit, but you better check your crazy ass in somewhere because all this talking to your imaginary friends and asking about werewolf hotboxing habits is gonna get you arrested around here.”

“From who? Sheriff John Stilinski or his co-Sheriff Jean Stilinski?”

Derek… _no_ , Derrick (Stuart sighs internally) bursts out laughing and after a moment Stu joins him before holding out his hand.

“I’m Stuart, I’m a top, is that gonna be a problem for you?”

“Nah, I’m pretty verse and like bottoming.” Derrick says without any pretense or shame. Stu usually gets chided for his bluntness so it was refreshing to have someone he could talk to.

“Awesome, bro. Hey, so… do you wanna get out of here?” Stu asks, motioning to… anywhere. Derrick nods.

“Yeah, just let me get this fucking dog-”

“Hey! You piece of shit, come and leash your dog!” A large man across the field is kicking his leg in the air clearly trying to get piss off of it. Stu can’t help but grin at Derrick’s prideful smile.

“Fuck you, motherfucker, learn to stay out of the way of Bark’s piss stream!” To Stu’s surprise, Derrick bears down and lets out a wail before running towards the guy fist first. The guy startles for a moment and tries to decide whether to run away or try to fight.

He’s too late with the decision and receives Derrick’s knuckles cracking the cartilage in his face. Derrrick lets out a fucking _yeee-haw_! as he goes to town on the poor bystanders face. Stu sees a cop behind him pull out a taser.

“Every fucking week with this kid.”

“His parents were stoners, I don’t know how Derek turned out so normal.” The other cop says, uncapping his pepper spray.”

“Stiles keeps him grounded.” The third cop says as he approaches the scene carrying a riot shield and police baton. As they embark on Derrick, Stu takes a brief moment to see if there’s anyway he could get at least one romp in the sack with the guy before he’s detained. As he watches the guy get tased and sink to the ground laughing maniacally, he knows it’s a lost cause.

This guy was way too much like Stu if Stu had absolutely no checks and balances in place. He can’t deny the boner he’d gotten as soon as Derrick declared war on the guy’s ribcage, but because of loved ones and Stiles and Derek, Stu knew that such violence should be kept to TV and not his real life. He normally uses his mouth to get out of situations, and he bruises way too easily.

“Fuck it, time to go, Alan. I guess I’ll come home.” Stuu walked out of the park as more cop cars pulled up and he smiled when Scott and Isaac ran by him in paramedic garb. He saw the twirl in the middle of the backseat of one of the cars and scrambled inside.

 

*********

Stu felt warm and safe in the comfort of his own bed. He hugged himself under the blankets and whistled contentedly at the wet warmth that was enveloping his dick. It was probably Stiles, though it felt like Derek. Stuart couldn’t be bothered to care, he was just happy to be home. He looks over on his nightstand and he sees a picture of Derek only he’s younger. It seems to be recent, but he can’t be more than the age Stu is now.

Stu holds the blanket away from his chest tentatively and looks underneath, seeing a head of jet black hair bob up and down between his legs.

“Derek?” he ends up gasping out as Derek flicks his tongue in an unexpected and pleasing way. Derek looks up and winks at Stu. It’s the Derek from the picture, and he’s fucking perfect.

“Hi, beta. I don’t know who you are yet, but you smell fantastic and I had to have a taste. I hope you don’t mind?” Derek says to him from underneath his lashes. Stu swallows and shakes his head quickly.

“Uhh, I don’t mind at all, not one bit, please… taste away!” and so Derek does. Long, languid swipes of his tongue before enveloping and sucking on Stu’s sensitive head. Stu tears back the covers and sees this Derek is a bit slimmer than his Derek, but just as tall and tan skinned. Stu runs his fingers through Derek’s hair causing the boy to look up.

“I’m a wolf so basically no gag reflex, please feel free to fuck my mouth.” he insists before going back to the task at mouth. Stuart nearly cries as he gently pumps his turgid length into Derek’s eager and hungry mouth.

After a moment, Stu sees Derek snake a hand behind him and plunge his fingers smoothly into his own hole. They come out slick with something that Derek then uses to coat the length of Stu’s shaft before straddling his hips and leaning forward to kiss Stu’s lips. Stu grabs Derek’s hips as Derek lowers himself on Stuart’s length.

“Oh yea, you sexy ass beta. I fucking love your cock!” Derek yells before bouncing up and down testing the glide inside of him. Stuart grabs Derek by the waist and switches their positions so he’s on top and can direct his cock over Derek’s prostate, causing the man to cry out in ecstasy.

Stu can hardly believe it. He’ll get to the bottom of the “beta”, self lubricating thing later, but he’d done it! He found his perfect Derek! Stuart comes hard and falls onto the mattress panting. Derek grins and kisses Stu’s chest before hopping up and running into the restroom. A moment later he returns with a warm wet cloth and he begins washing off Stu reverently.

“Derek, baby, come and let me snuggle you.” Stu insists with his hands out.

“Of course, beta.” Derek answers before tucking his head under Stu’s chin.

“Stu, I’m Stu.”

“Hello, Stu.” Derek says sweetly as he lightly kisses Stu’s chest. Stu lets out a sigh of relief. He can’t believe his luck, he’s got a perfect version of Derek in his arms and if fanfiction is to be believed, he must be an omega which is going to lead to some really fun public sex situations. Stu giggles to himself. Derek would never let him sex him in public, Stu loves to tease him all the time about it; slip a finger into his pants on the subway or tongue his ear a little too much while they’re at Target getting shit for the house. One time Stu pulled it out and start jacking himself off while staring at Derek in the Home Depot. The blushing wolf made him buy the plant he’d come into and banished him to the car for the rest of the trip, checking on him every ten minutes with an annoyed smirk. Damn, Stu missed that smirk.

The Derek in his arms looks like he’d never smirked a day in his life. Looks like he’d never needed to.

“What’s so funny?” Derek asks, looking at Stu. He stares at him patiently waiting for his answer. Not playfully annoyed like his Derek would be, or horny, or with that glint of mischief that Derek seemed to only carry for him. Stu shrugs.

“Nothing.” He says simply. Derek smiles and hops up.

“Gonna make us some food, what are you hungry for?” When his Derek cooks after sex, he just laughs at Stu’s suggestions and tells him he’s getting the same post sex grilled cheese he’s always gotten and he’s going to like it.

“You’re doing it again.” Derek says at the door, tracing a smile on his face and pointing at Stu with a generic fondness. Stu shakes his head and waves off the young man who bounces away.

He can… they can grow, right? Stu and his Derek used to hate each other until it became clear that Derek wasn’t interested in taking Stiles away from his brother. In fact, Stiles was a fucking handful and Derek seemed like he appreciated the support. If Stu has his own Derek, who’s going to support him now?

Stu gets out of bed and walks into the kitchen where Derek is humming happily while gathering ingredients.

“I can’t wait to meet your family, are they nice?” Derek asks as he ties an apron loosely around him, protecting his sensitive bits from the heat. Stu grabs a beer out of the fridge and nods.

“Yeah, I have my dad, a twin brother named Stiles-”

“Stiles?”

“Yeah, it’s a nickname, but he’ll probably get it changed once he marries Derek.” Stu says, almost sadly. Derek picks up on the shift in mood.

“Who… who is Derek to you?”

“He’s my… he’s-” Stuart stumbles, and when he finally musters the courage to look up, he sees nothing but understanding in Derek’s eyes. Derek walks over to him and put his arms over his shoulder. He’s taller than Stu and allows Stu to bury his face in his shoulder. Stuart sighs.

“It’s okay, beta. How about this? Let’s eat, go another round, and then you can sleep on it. I’m sure when you wake up the answer will be clear.” Derek tips Stu’s chin and kisses him sweetly. Stu smiles and then grabs Derek under his thighs, wrapping the wolf’s long legs around his waist. Derek lets out a whoop as Stu carries his back to the bed.

“Let’s sandwich this shit! Fuck, eat, fuck!” He says, throwing him on the bed. Now that he knew this would be temporary, Stu wasn’t afraid to get a little freaky. He had a good time, but even the wolf beneath him noticed when he yelled out “Derek” _just_ a little differently.


	3. Stuarek... it grows on you after a while

**+1**

Stu wakes up in the chair in Deaton’s office and notices one of his arms has been unrestrained. He unties himself and walks by the door that Deaton is behind finishing up his surgery. He exhales and leaves, heading back home.

As soon as he walks in the door he’s tackled by the werewolf love of his life.

“Jesus Christ, Stu! Where have you been, I missed you so much!” Derek muffles into Stu’s neck, inhaling his scent.

“I went over Alan’s and passed out for a while, I’m sorry, sweetie.” Stu says, surprising himself as he tightens his own embrace around his wolf. He’s missed his Derek.

Derek pulls back and looks at Stu with a combination of surprise and confusion. Even Stiles gets up from the table and walks slowly towards the two.

“Stu? Are you okay? Did you just call Derek, _sweetie_?” Stiles asks, really trying not to be a dick. Stu shrugs.

“Well, Derek missed me, what else was I supposed to say?”

“What? That doesn’t even make-”

“Of course I missed you!” Derek yells out, interrupting Stiles, “I miss my mates whenever you’re not with me. I love you, Stu and you scared the shit out of me when you wouldn’t answer your phone! It took Stiles sitting on me to keep me from shifting and seeking out your scent.” Derek muffles with his head tucked firmly back into Stuart’s neck. It couldn’t have been the most comfortable position, but Stu wasn’t letting go anytime soon.

“Mates?” Stu asks, giggling at the tickling sensation of Derek’s huff on his collarbone.

“That’s your take-a-way? Really, Stu?”

“Well, I don’t understand. You’re mated with Stiles, not with… not-”

Stuart stops when he feels Stiles’ warm hand on the small of his back.

“Stu, you know that we’re bonded, don’t you? All of us? Derek’s not the great with words, but he’s really been stepping up with showing you affection hasn’t he?” Stu wraps his arm around Stiles’ waist and looks at Derek who is holding his hand. He nods, Derek has definitely been showing more affection.

The first time Stiles kissed Stu in front of Derek was to comfort Stu after what ended up being an epically bad day at work. The fiber optic cable that supplied service to over 75% of their user base was severed, disconnecting thousands of users from their websites. Stu was on customer service duty.

He stalked into the house full of anger and fatigue and the next thing he knew, he was being hauled into Stiles’ lap and kissed like crazy. Stiles let Stu take out every aggression on his buss and when they were done, they collapsed into a sweaty heap on the couch.

When he woke up he was wrapped in a blanket and Stiles was situated in Derek’s lap, necking and chatting softly with the wolf. Derek looked over at Stu and winked.

“You feel better, Stu?” He asked, without any judgement. Stu nodded and went back to sleep.

The next week Stu came home after getting a performance review that didn’t even include all of the positive reviews he received after the crisis and he didn’t get the raise he thought he deserved. He was considering quitting and wanted to weigh out his options while balls deep inside his brother. When he got there, however, Stiles was nowhere to be found. Derek, on the other hand, was right there.

Without a word, Derek stripped off his shirt and led Stu to the couch. He went down on him while Stu ranted about his boss and by the time Stiles got home, Stu was pumping into Derek, using each thrust as a bullet point for why he should just start his own startup.

Stiles came in about half way through Stu’s musings into Derek's ass about health care coverage and started making dinner. Stu came all over Derek's hole and got out his laptop to find investors. Derek kissed him sweetly and went to join Stiles in the kitchen.

Sex has always been pretty uncomplicated for Stu and he didn't even really think much about it until sticky little feelings became involved. Rough kisses became more lingering and peppered with sweet nothings. Hard slaps on the ass became thoughtful caresses. Even post coital gnoshing became feeding each other and sharing. Stu was probably in over his head before he even knew what was happening.

And then their… _Derek and Stiles’_ fucking anniversary. Stu later admitted to Deaton that his thank you blow job progressed into an anniversary threesome (usually any sexual activity was done in pairs).

They were fucking wildly, Stu into to Derek and Derek into Stiles when Stiles leaned forward and sunk his teeth into Derek's shoulder causing the wolf to howl in delight. Never one to be left out, Stu leaned over Derek’s back and planted his teeth into the meaty part of Derek’s back, just behind his shoulder. Derek howled again, this time partially shifting as his body vibrated the yelp between the boys.

Hell, even Stu and Stiles joined in with the howling and before he passed out, Stu wished that they lived in a crowded apartment building where all the tenants could be annoyed by their great and soul shaking love. Stu was in trouble, and went to see Deaton as soon as he woke up.

The squeeze on his hand brings Stuart back to the present as he looks at his wolf. Derek pulls him over the couch and he sits in Stiles’ lap with Derek sitting across from him.

“So… you think that we’re _all_ mates, like, we belong to each other?” Stu asks, more timidly than anyone could imagine. Stiles laughs sweetly at the spectacle of the thing, it’s unlike his big brother to be bashful. Derek even blushes a little bit, but nods.

“Stu, Stiles and I have always talked about this relationship as a threesome. I mean, fuck, you claimed me!” Stu looks up from where his thumb is idly stroking Derek’s inseam and wrinkles his brow.

“I claimed you? What? When?!”

“On our anniversary, you dolt!” Stiles answers giving his brother a little squeeze. Stu tries to think back and suddenly remembers the bite.

“Fuck, I bit you!” Stu says, taking off his glasses and rubbing the ridge of his nose. Derek smiles and takes off his shirt.

“Yeah and it didn’t heal, neither did Stiles’. That’s the sign that my wolf recognizes you both as mates.”

“Fuck.. so… _mine_?” Stu says, causing Derek to huff out a laugh. He shakes his head.

“Yes, Stu. Yours. All yours.” Derek moves forward to kiss Stu, but Stu turns his head at the last minute. He’s so close to being able to admit he wants this, but something is still bothering him.

Stu reaches forward and thumbs the bite gently across Derek’s skin. He then brings his hand forward and does the same with Stiles’ bite. Derek grabs his hand and kisses the back of it fondly.

“What if… I mean, I always thought that our bond -yours and mine- was because of the bond I had with Stiles. It’s twinsense, right?” Stu asks as he tracks the concern in the hazel swirls of Derek’s eyes. He can feel Stiles’ breath on his ear as Stiles hooks his chin over Stu’s shoulder.

“It’s really not, Stu.” Stiles explains, “You fucked both Isaac and Peter and I don’t have those kind of feelings for either one of them. I can sometimes tell when you’re getting some, but it’s nothing like it is when you’re with Derek. Besides, I let Scott fuck me and-”

“Wait, what?” Derek’s snaps out of his journey through Stu’s eyes and looks at Stiles incredulously. Stu follows suit as Stiles smirks and shrugs.

“-before you, Derek!” Stiles looks back at Stu, “And you don’t feel anything for him. I don’t think you ever even knew.”

“I most certainly did not! When the fuck did you let Scott touch you?”

“Yeah!”

Stiles pushes Stu from his lap. Derek reaches out and catches him, kissing his neck softly as he settles into Derek’s embrace. They share a moment to nuzzle before looking accusingly back at Stiles, their glares demanding explanation. Stiles sighs.

“Allison had broken his heart for the umpteenth time so I cheered him up with a blowjob and then he “ _just the tip_ ”-ed me.”

“What the fuck?!”

“Stiles!”

They both yell at their mate. Stiles shrugs.

“Yeah, all summer, anyhow, _that_ happened and you don’t feel a thing for him, so-”

“I’m feeling _something_ for him right now.”

“Wait, which summer?”

“ _Anyhow_ , the point is that we’re in a triad and you need to fucking deal with it!” Stiles finishes as he crosses his arms across his chest. Derek stifles a giggle into Stu’s collarbone and Stu runs his fingers through Derek’s hair.

“Shit, I… I love you guys. Both of you.” Stu says as he drapes his arms around his wolf. Stiles stands up and leans over the both of them, wrapping his long arms around his mates.

“And we love you, Stu!” Derek says. Stiles giggles which makes Stu suspicious, but he’s enjoying the moment too much to care.

“Yeah, Stu. It’s like what you were looking for was in front of you the whole time.”

“Shut up, Stiles.”

“Hey, Stu?”

“Yeah, Derek?” Stu says with a sigh as he closes his eyes, enjoying the closeness.

“You had me at hello.” Stu’s eyes shoot open.

“Did you just-? That doesn’t even make sen-”

“Stu?”

“ _What_ , Stiles?”

“There’s no place like home.” Stu pushes Stiles off of him and escapes from Derek’s embrace.

“I’m going to back to Alan’s to figure out how to break this bond. I can’t believe I forgot I hated you guys.”

“Nope, you love us! You love us, everyone.”

“That’s not even how that goes!”

“Stu wait!” Derek shouts out as Stu tries to pull on his jacket.

“What?! I’m going to Deaton’s and I’m going to make Mountain Ash brownies!”

Derek tries not to laugh, but instead holds up both hands.

“Okay, honey, you can do that, but first I need you to take your pants off.”

Oh.

Stu is sure that Alan wouldn’t mind waiting. He strips off his jacket… and everything else he’s wearing and chases the boys as they run upstairs to the bedroom.

* * *

 

**EPILOGUE**

“Hey, Stu? Why do you smell like poo candy?”

Stu is lying on his back as Derek snuffles into his armpit. On the other side of the bed, Stiles is softly snoring. Stu snickers at his ridiculous wolf.

“What are you even talking about, ridiculous wolf. Ouch!” he says playfully as Derek nips him just above his rib. Derek leans in and exhales deeply.

“I haven’t smelled it in years, but when I was young and we were being potty trained, Deaton used to give us candies after we used the bathroom by ourselves. 1 for piss and 2 for poo. I only slightly remember it myself, but I remember he did the same with Cora. Everything used to just turn to magic and I remember being really in touch with nature and my center core.” Derek explained. Stu’s eyebrows furrowed as Derek continued.

“They kind of tasted like orange, and they don’t really smell like anything, but after you ate them your smell would change slightly. I’ve never smelled it anywhere else though I remember sometimes Laura would go out with her friends and come back smelling like it. They must have had kids.” Derek yawns and rolls over gathering Stiles into his arms. After a moment of them sleeping softly, Stu reaches over and grabs his phone.

“Motherfucker, do you give me lowgrade LSD!?” He seethes into the phone. He can hear Alan give an amused huff as a puppy yips in the background.

“Hello, Mr. Stilinski.”

“Don’t you _‘Hello, Mr. Stilinski_ ’ me, you dick! What the _fuck_ , Alan!?”

He swears he can hear Deaton’s careless shrug over the phone.

“You asked me to send you to another dimension, Stuart. So I sent you to another dimension… _of the mind_.” Stu can even hear the puppy laugh as he rubs his hand over his face. He looks at the sleeping duo and then goes back to his phone.

“Why didn’t you just send me to an alternate universe?”

“Stu!” Deaton shouts in an uncharacteristic move, well, uncharacteristic to anyone but Stuart, who enjoys riling the vet when he can, “What the fuck is wrong with you? Why do you think I can even do something like that? I tried to tell you-”

“I sucked a dude’s dick in the air! A dude with cancer!”

“Maybe you did, maybe you didn’t?”

“No, you ass! I _definitely_ didn’t because evidently I was tripping balls!”

“You were pretty much high before that, Stuart. Do you think if I could access other universes that I would waste the time and innovation shuttling you around to find what you’ve been living with for the past year?”

Stuart blanches and nearly drops the phone. He recovers and clears his throat.

“Uhh, what? What are you even talking about?” Alan sighs making Stu even more suspicious that he secretly has them all bugged.

“Stu, where are you now?” Yep, definitely bugged. Stu looks around.

“Uhh, I’m in the loft with Stiles and Derek. Of course I am, I’ve been here since I left you, it is where I live afterall.”

“Uh huh, and just how naked are the three of you?”

“Dammit, Deaton! I fucking hate you!” Stu grabs the nearest blanket throwing it over his still snoozing paramours and puts a pillow in his own lap.

“I assure you the feeling is _not_ mutual, Stuart.” Deaton says fondly. Stu can’t help but grin.

“Fuck, I guess I don’t actually hate you either. Sorry about that.” Stu says, removing the pillow and laying back on the bed. “Hey, we still on for the game, Thursday? I’ll bring the chips and beer if you make that crazy ass dip that I wanna fuck.”

“Sounds like a date.” Deaton says. Stu bristles slightly.

“Damn, it does sound like a date, doesn’t it? I’ll have to watch that now, apparently I’m mated to a werewolf and my fucking twin brother.”

“I’m sure the holidays will prove most memorable.”

“I’m serious, Alan. My sweet buss is off limits from now on!”

“Great achievement is born of great sacrifice. I’ll feel the loss, but think of all the good that will come from avoiding your _sweet buss_.”

“I’m going to ignore that because I know you’re hurting right now.”

“Endlessly obliged.”

“If it makes you feel any better, Alan. You’re the only man I’ve enjoyed bottoming for.”

“It does offer a quiet relief, thank you, Stuart.”

“Hey, how come you and I never worked out?”

Deaton recalls the night after the third time Stuart had come over to complain about Derek. It was later than Stu usually came over so Deaton took out some chips and dip and beer and they watched some game on TV. During halftime and commercials they talked. Stu fell asleep on the couch and Deaton placed a blanket over him before heading upstairs to his room. A couple of hours later, after hearing Stuart root around in the bathroom, Deaton heard his door creak open and felt the young man slip into bed beside him.

Despite being over 15 years his senior, Deaton felt a kinship towards the young man right away, and Stu always treated him as an equal, and not just some soothesayer who existed solely to guide and help them. He was the only one who addressed Deaton less formally, by his first name of Alan. Deaton could easily call Stu a friend, and it appeared that Stu agreed. They were good friends… with benefits.

Stu’s hand ran down Alan’s back and snaked around to his front, dipping into his boxer briefs. At the same time Deaton felt warm, plush lips on his neck and a rigid length take up residence between his thighs.

“Let me know if this isn’t okay?” The young man whispered into his ear with a light kiss. Deaton return the kiss much to Stu’s delight. It was only the one time, and Deaton would never leave him hanging.

“We’re probably going to have to get him some sort of MRI, just how many unassisted shits did he have?” Deaton comes back online to Stu rambling about Derek’s prolonged mental state. He clicks his tongue and sighs.

“We never worked out because you only love me for my dip, Mr. Stilinski.” Deaton says, smirking at Stu’s giggle over the phone.

“You gonna give up that recipe?” he hears Stu ask hopefully. Deaton shakes his head.

“I’m taking it to my grave.”

“You know, Alan,” Stu started. Deaton can hear Derek and Stiles sleeping in the background and imagines Stu is the most content he’s ever been, “We’ve had our differences in the past; I’ve evidently been cuckolding you for months now, turning you into an unintentional homewrecker and you got me high off acid, but I have a lot of affection for you.” Deaton can’t help his snort and knows Stu is grinning to himself, pleased whenever he causes the druid to crack.

“I’ll be the loudest one crying at your funeral, Alan. And not just because you really didn’t give me the recipe.”

“Of course, Stuart. However, that is operating under the mostly flawed assumption that you’ll outlive me.”

“Sure, I’ll see you Thursday, Jan.”

“Bye, Felicia!” Deaton says, hanging up quickly though he can hear Stu yelp with laughter as they disconnect.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Who says strips and polka dots don't go good together? You look fantastic!
> 
> Come visit me on [Tumblr](http://ficcindylan.tumblr.com)!
> 
> Feel free to leave comments and kudos, they are like crack to me!


End file.
